Saturday, 14 May 2011

The More The Merrier

Tim sat nervously in the car, he was waiting for his wife to come out of the supermarket. She'd popped in to get a bottle of wine, nothing fancy, maybe something in between £3.99 and £5.99. They begrudged spending more than that, because they said "No one can tell the difference except poncey poofters" I must stress that this isn't the opinion of the writer, JUST THE CHARACTERS.

Caz got back into the car with a bottle of Hardy's and a packet of minstrels. "Are you ready then?" said Tim, "Ready as I'll ever be" replied Caz taking in a deep breath. "Let's go then" They drove 10 minutes to the house of their mutual friends Derek and Debbie, and got out of the car and walked to the door, then Tim forgot if he'd locked the car door and he went back to check it. He would have just used his central locking key, but the battery had run out and he had to do it manually. He'd called up the garage but couldn't believe how much a new battery was and he had decided he wasn't a woolly woofter and he didn't need one (again, not the opinion of the author, I find this kind of homophobia a little sickening if I'm honest)

Derek opened the door and greeted them with a huge grin "WELCOME" he shouted, and he kissed Caz and slapped Tim on the back because he didn't want to look gay. They walked through to the living room which was dimly lit and the telly was on mute. Everyone said their hellos and everything, and got that out of the way. They started making small talk, you know, how's your mum kind of thing? Tim and Derek talked about spark plugs and the landlord in their local pub, because they are proper men. 

MUCH later, after a few drinks and nibbles, things took a sexy turn. Caz and Debbie sat next to each other and started doing kissing. Derek and Tim put cushions on their knees so that neither of them could see the others stiffy... because that would be a bit queer. Then Tim said "Debbie, take your jumper off so I can see your top bollocks". She dutifully did, and then Caz had a go on her nips. Then they scissored whilst Tim and Derek watched. Tim said to Derek, "It's awesome when girls act gay."
"Yeah" replied Derek, "but men acting gay is sick"
"So sick"
"really really sick" Derek had a look of disgust on his face, while he imagined what it would be like to be gay. With that, Tim leaned across and stuck his tongue in Derek's mouth and they kissed for ages. Then Tim bummed Derek and then they feltched and rimmed each other like proper bandits. They really liked it. 

After everyone jizzed they all sat down and laughed.. it had been a lot of fun.

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